


Waterfalls

by jairyn



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Anisoka, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), otp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-12 02:24:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15329652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jairyn/pseuds/jairyn
Summary: Okay, I admit it. I've been a sucker for Anakin & Ahsoka for awhile now. I write a lot about them as best friends, sometimes as lovers. This is definitely an Anisoka fic. (The way it should be in my opinion)Anakin starts noticing how much Ahsoka has grown up and when he's ordered to take a meditation retreat, he takes her along. A week in the forest alone... ;)





	Waterfalls

“Get down!” Anakin shouted in order to be heard over the sounds of blaster fire and exploding shells.

“I am down!” Ahsoka snipped back from the ground where she was hiding. Anakin frowned at her and then peeked out from behind the rock. 

“More incoming! If we don’t get an airstrike soon, we’re going to need to run,” he said, crouching down so she could hear him better. 

“We can take them, Master!” she said fearlessly. Anakin softened as he looked at his padawan. Never in the few years they’d been together had she once said she couldn’t do something. He admired her courage, but he had yet to teach her when it was okay to not fight. 

He jumped up, slicing through the two super battle droids that had just about climbed over their temporary barrier. Then he grabbed her hand and took off running. She stumbled along behind him at first, but then they found pace. 

“I can run just fine without you holding my hand!” she yelled up at him, as she took three steps to his every one. 

“I know.” He didn’t let go. He blocked a few blaster bolts that got too close as they dropped down the cliff edge and scuttled under the overhang to disappear out of sight. 

They crammed themselves into a small hole, pressed up against one another. She was breathing hard. He turned to look at the side of her face as she watched nervously for whether they’d be discovered. She seemed to have forgotten her earlier complaint about holding his hand because even now that they were safe, she hadn’t let go. He traced the white markings down her cheek with his eyes. Now was definitely not the time to notice how attractive she’d become, but he couldn’t help it. 

Ever since she’d returned from being kidnapped by the despicable Trandoshan hunters, it was hard for him to let her out of his sight. Unfortunately, that tended to get in the way of their missions, and often left them running away and hiding. He knew she was strong enough to take care of herself. He probably still didn’t understand the depth of the ordeal she’d been through. But his protectiveness wasn’t about whether or not she was capable of surviving. He knew she could from day one. For him, it was a matter of not wanting to lose her. 

He’d hardly slept a wink that whole time she was missing. Everyone had lectured him on letting her go, but they didn’t understand that every time he so much as closed his eyes, he’d dream of never seeing her again and he couldn’t stand it. He had faith in her survival, but not his own ability to survive her absence. He’d tried to explain that to Obi wan, but as usual, he hadn’t understood. ‘We all miss her, Anakin,’ he’d said. ‘But the galaxy is at war, and you can’t let your personal feelings get in the way of what needs to be done.’ Even knowing his old master was right, didn’t make the pain go away. So now that she was by his side again, he was going to do whatever it took to keep her there. 

She turned to look at him and her eyes widened at how close he was to her face. He smiled at her and she studied his face for a moment and then relaxed. 

“What?” she asked. 

“Oh nothing,” he said, grinning. There was just something about her that he couldn’t get over. Was it her big blue eyes? Or the way her lekku fell down her shoulders? The way her markings framed her face? The soft, dark color of her lips? The way her hand fit in his? The way her body felt up against him? He didn’t know. Maybe it was all of it. Maybe it was the spark in her eyes. The way she laughed. The way she never took shit from anyone, especially him. She was a little ball of fire, and he was burning in her presence. 

“I think they passed us by,” she whispered a little nervously as though she could tell he was no longer thinking about the droids that had been chasing them. 

“Probably,” he murmured, unable to look away. 

“We should go help Rex and the others,” she said trying to jar him back to reality. 

“Right,” he said, blinking a couple times. He reluctantly moved to position himself to climb out of their hiding place. 

“Uh, master?” she said after he’d climbed a couple meters. He checked his grip on the wall and then looked down at her. “Nevermind.” She looked down embarrassed. Her montral stripes brightened as she blushed. Before he could stop himself, he slid himself back down to her level and looked her in the eyes. 

“What is it, Snips?” he asked, holding his breath. She was worried about something, what, was the question. 

“Ever since I got back…” she started, looking away. He cupped her chin in his hand, so she was forced to look him in the eye. “You’ve been looking at me differently.” She finally managed to get out. “Why?”

“Because I missed you, Snips,” he said sincerely. “Does it make you uncomfortable?” 

She shook her head. “No, it’s just…”

“What?” He watched the way her dark lashes fell across her cheek. Was that a tear he saw?

“All the younglings knew you never wanted a padawan. And I know I drove you crazy, I probably still do.  But now you act like, well… you act like you want me here.”

He sighed heavily, wishing he wasn’t half hanging off a cliff wall so he could pull her into his arms. “I never wanted a padawan, it’s true. But then, through some plotting or the will of the force, I ended up with one. And ever since… I’ve been grateful that someone ignored that wish of mine.” She looked up at him in surprise and he smiled at her. The one he got in return was sheepish, but still good. 

“Master?” she asked a little bolder.

“Yeah?” 

“Is that the only way you see me?” she breathed and then retreated back against the wall as though she were afraid he’d lash out. He looked down to see a ledge about twenty meters below them. Unable to stand it anymore, he grabbed her around the waist peeling her off the cliff face and dropping them both down onto the ledge. “What the?” she panted, looking up at him in concern. Ignoring any danger that could be around them, he leaned down and met her lips hungrily. 

She froze at first, but then parted. He pushed in harder, needing to know if everything he’d been feeling meant what he thought it did. He felt her lip tremble and he kissed it softly, resting his forehead against hers. Her eyes were closed, but she wasn’t pulling away. 

“Anakin?” she purred softly. He smiled to himself. The way his name rolled off her tongue sounded better than any music he’d ever heard. She’d never dared to call him that before. So, was the kiss good enough to make her forget whether or not they should be doing it?

Because he certainly knew they shouldn’t, but now that he’d had a taste, it was too late. He wanted more. 

The sound of blaster fire above them, ripped him back to reality. His comm beeped.

“What’s the situation, captain?” he asked leaning down so he could hear Rex better. He glanced up at Ahsoka. She still had a dazed expression on her face, but she too had leaned down to listen.

After Rex briefed them on what they’d missed, they turned to climb the wall and head back into the fight. Ahsoka caught his arm and he paused. 

“I know now isn’t the time, but… when I was being hunted, one of the other padawans said they’d been there for ages and no one had come looking for them,” she whispered. 

“I would have torn the galaxy apart to find you,” he said quickly. 

“I know,” she said. “And that’s why I fought so hard to survive.” He brought his hand to her face and she leaned into his touch. “I know we’re not supposed to have attachments, but I don’t like that the other masters abandon their padawans so easily.” He felt a deep doubt blooming in her. He had many of his own questions about Jedi philosophy, but right now, they had a battle to attend to and he didn’t know what to say to comfort her.

He took her hand and squeezed it. “Let’s survive this battle first and then we’ll talk. I promise.” She nodded. 

 

\---

 

He knocked on her door later that evening. She told him to enter. By the look on her face, she hadn't forgotten what they'd shared earlier in the day. But even though it was tempting to throw caution to the wind, he was more concerned about the doubt she'd expressed earlier. 

"I talked to the council," he said. "I'm to take a meditative retreat for a week." She looked down disappointed. The whole point of these mandatory retreats was to isolate yourself, so you can reconnect with the force. "But, no one said anything about what you had to do. So, you're going to come with me." She looked up surprised.

"Are you sure?" she asked nervously.

"Yes. We have a lot to talk about. The ship is stocked, so when you're ready, meet me in the hanger."

Even though he'd left before her, she'd nearly beaten him to the hanger. He smiled to himself at how eager she was to come along. A week was a long time to be alone with somebody. He was sure they'd find plenty to do. He definitely wanted to finish what they'd started on that cliff ledge, but almost more than that, he wanted to know what had happened to her and how she sat with the Jedi rules after such an ordeal.

In his mind, as pleasurable as this trip could be, he was worried about her. He knew how easy it was to let your doubts get in the way of your duties, and he was afraid that if hers weren't dealt with early, she'd slowly fade from his life. Besides, she'd been his apprentice for a long time now, and though they'd talked almost daily, it wasn't always easy to know overall how someone was doing. Or was he simply trying to convince himself that this was a business trip?  


\---  


It was humid behind the waterfall, she always woke up sticky and frustrated. As important and good as the talks and meditation sessions had been with her master, she was wanting more. She rolled over and propped herself up. Anakin was still sleeping on the other side of the room. She tried not to stare at his glistening back. She pulled out her workout fatigues, thinking she'd go for a run. 

She stripped her leggings and switched into her capris. Then pulled off her tunic dress and wrapped the beige binders around her breasts to secure them. As much as she was happy they were finally growing out, they certainly made fighting and moving more uncomfortable. She glanced at him to see that he'd rolled over. Had he watched her change? He still seemed to be sleeping. She stared at him nervously for a moment, but he didn't do anything to hint that he was awake, so she slipped out of the cave after clipping her lightsabers to the waistband of her pants.

She jogged down the rocky steps to the forest path she'd found the other day and took off in a run. Breathing in the fresh air and the sweet smells of the forest. She tried to lose herself in the force and push away the distraction of being alone with him on a secluded world. But she was haunted by the kiss he'd given her on that ledge. She'd been noticing the difference in how he'd looked at her, but she thought she was reading the signals all wrong. But then he'd grabbed her and kissed her so wonderfully hungry as though she was the only thing he wanted, and she’d felt herself come alive. 

However, since they'd left on this meditation retreat, he'd not even hinted that he wanted more. She'd been so eager to come along, because it had sounded so romantic. Just the two of them, alone, for days... but he'd kept his distance. She knew she shouldn't want to go there with him, but she couldn't help it. He was tall and handsome, but also kind and sweet. He was rough around the edges and they bickered a lot. But she trusted him completely. And frankly, if she was ever going to go all the way with someone, she wanted it to be him. 

She didn't really hold out false hope that they'd be a couple or get married or ever start a family. All of those things were against the rules. But she still loved him, and she still wanted to experience more with him. Sometimes he'd look at her and see his annoying little student and other times she knew, he was noticing how much she'd grown. He tried to hide it, but the fire lived in his eyes. And the way he'd given in to that desire back there on that cliff ledge, told her he wanted it just as much. So why was he resisting?

She pathed her way back to the waterfall cave. She loved it here on Endor. It was beautiful. She'd gotten so used to cities and civilization that she'd almost forgotten how much she loved nature and the comforting feel of the earth beneath her bare feet. The way the wind felt in her face. The way the force lived and breathed in every way.

She was just about to run up the steps when she felt something behind her. She spun around, lightsabers out as Anakin dropped down in front of her. She took a deep breath and shut them off. She didn't put them away however. He had an odd look on his face and a darkness in his eyes. It hinted at danger. In fact, she should know that look well, being a hunter herself. Except suddenly, she was the prey. 

He stepped up close to her, she held her breath. He was wearing just his pants, but he did have his lightsaber clutched in his mechanical hand. She stared at his chest for a moment and then embarrassed, looked up at his face. Even a step below her, he was still taller than her. He reached forward with his left hand like he was going to touch her face. She subconsciously closed her eyes, waiting for and craving the touch. But it never came. She heard a snap and looked up. He was holding her padawan beads in his hand. She looked at him confused.

"Did you really just take my beads?" she asked.

He got close enough to her face she could feel his breath. "You want them back? You have to beat me," he whispered sounding cocky. Fast as lightning, he had his lightsaber ignited and up. She was grateful for her toned reflexes at his unpredictability, because she was up and blocking his swing in plenty of time. 

She pushed him back and leapt over his head, spinning to miss his backswing. She landed lightly on the forest floor and swept her blades low at his ankles. He jumped over them but brought his blade down and she was forced to spin to the side out of the way. They fought furiously, up and down the stairs, around the pool at the bottom of the falls. Leaping off the cliff face, ducking around trees. 

It wasn't long before she was tired, but she'd never let him know that. As much as she hated to admit it, she loved their sparring sessions. There was always something to learn from them. He liked to tease and taunt, which sometimes hurt, but at the same time, made her feel stronger. One advantage to her master being so much bigger than her was she learned very quickly how to fight enemies that were twice her size. Often surprising them at her adaptability and how easily she evaded their attacks. But they never stopped to think as to why she was good at it. Why would they, anyways?

Anakin was also powerful and intense. Their duels left her breathless and exhausted, but she'd never give in to that fatigue until he'd call it. His training regimen was intense, and when compared to the other padawans, far more advanced. He obviously believed she could handle it, which only fueled herself to push back harder and prove she could. Being the chosen one's apprentice was not always as fun as the others liked to think. Not that she'd trade it for anything. She was bound and determined to keep up with him, regardless of the price she paid to do that. Ever since she'd been assigned to him, even knowing he didn't want a padawan, she'd sworn she would prove to him that she deserved to be standing by his side. 

He pushed her hard, it was true, but not as hard as she pushed herself. They were making their way back up the stairs for at least the twelfth time. He was above her moving backwards. The sweat glistened off his bare skin. His hair was matted against his face. His sexiness was distracting. Especially as they got close to the waterfall and the steam would billow around him as though he were walking among the gods. 

"Come on, Ahsoka! I know you can do better than this!" he taunted, trying to motivate her to step up her game. Her muscles were screaming, but her body was crying out for something else entirely. She wanted to knock that smirk off his face and kiss the words right out of his mouth. 

"To be honest master," she panted. "I thought you wanted me to tag along for another reason!" She spun around to build momentum and kicked him hard in the gut, surprised he hadn't moved. He flew backwards into the rock face and didn't get back up immediately. 

"Holy kriff, Ahsoka!" he coughed. "You really know how to knock the wind out of someone."

"I'm so sorry!" she said running to him. Why hadn't he blocked her kick?

"No don't be sorry. Always push forward even if your opponent lets down their guard." 

She stood there awkwardly looking at him. He was so confusing sometimes. How easily he could switch between the roles or turn parts of himself on or off. It drove her nuts. It made him hard to read. And as much as he hated it when she went prying, she couldn't help opening herself to the force and reaching out. What she felt off him surprised her. She'd expected him to be annoyed or angry that she'd thrown him back, but instead he seemed pleased. 

He reached out, offering her the beads back. "You beat me, you earned them." She took them doubtfully, not really feeling as though she deserved them fairly. She still didn't understand why he'd dropped his guard. Had it been what she said? He rarely got distracted when he was in fighting mode, nothing she taunted at him ever made a difference. He'd never slipped up like that before. True it had just been a training session, but it bothered her. 

He stood up slowly as though still nursing his gut. She clipped her beads back in place, watching him carefully. He bowed to her and set his lightsaber down on the step next to him. She did the same. And then to her surprise, he grabbed her around the waist and leapt off the stairs into the pool below. 

"What the?" she sputtered as they both surfaced. He grinned at her mischievously. Then he took a deep breath and disappeared beneath the surface. She floated there in confusion, treading water. Then she let out a yelp when she felt his hands on her bare skin. Then she felt his lips and nose as though he were kissing her belly under water. Her eyes widened, blushing wildly. One hand fell to his shoulder as he teased her bare skin. 

Then she felt the binders around her breasts coming loose and looked down to see him carefully unwrapping them. She felt like she should be embarrassed but at the same time, she was excited. How long could he hold his breath though? She watched the roll of wrapping float away and he finally came up for air. His eyes were full of fire as he licked his lips hungrily. His wet hair fell around his face in interesting patterns. She watched the water drip down his face and felt a burning need to chase the droplets with her tongue. 

But before she could act on it, he winked at her and disappeared beneath the surface again. A moment later, she felt a tug on her pants. They too, floated past her face and she was suddenly struck with the realization of what was happening. Then she felt his tongue near her belly button, then along her hip bones and his hands on her butt. She grabbed at his hair, forgetting for a moment to keep treading water and she went under too.

She flailed for a moment in panic, but then she felt his hands around her from behind. He kissed her shoulder, running his fingers along her bare skin. For a moment she felt as though if she didn't drown in the water, she'd drown in his touch. It felt like electricity spreading through her in waves. He twisted her around, so she could look at him. The water burned her eyes a little. She laughed at his puffed-out cheeks but then quickly closed her mouth as he watched the bubbles float to the surface. 

He pulled her up with him. She gasped for breath and stared at him. He motioned to underneath the waterfall and she followed him. He found a place he could touch the bottom and used the force to make the water fall around him. She joined him in the little bubble, grabbing onto his shoulders and jumping into his arms. He kissed her deeply, hungrily tasting and demanding. But then he'd pull back and be softer. She wasn't sure which way excited her more. 

He pushed one of her lekku behind her shoulder and kissed along her collarbone. She'd dig into his back as his wet mouth explored her skin. She ran her fingers through his wet hair, loving every sensation he was igniting in her. He moved lower and she felt his hot breath on her nipples and they instantly hardened. She could feel the smile on his mouth as he took them between his teeth. She moaned loudly, surprised at the primal satisfaction of such a touch. He knew just how to lick, and bite and tease and she was dying in pleasure already as he moved between them. His breath left a trail of goosebumps along her skin as she shivered in response. 

He came up for air, meeting her lips again. She pushed back with equal intensity, dueling his tongue for domination, as though this were another training session. But unlike before, she didn't want to win, she wanted to experience all of it in equal parts. She wanted him to satisfy her every need, and she wanted to deliver anything he could possibly want. Even in her inexperience, she wanted to earn her right to be there in that moment. Even more than that, she didn't want to leave him regretting his choice to take her further. 

She nibbled on his bottom lip, then teased along his jaw and to his neck. She chased the dripping water from his hair with her tongue. Savoring the sweetness. His hands moved up and down her body and she arched into his, molding herself to him, like one would fit two puzzle pieces together. He pinched her butt with his mechanical hand and she bit into his shoulder. He let out a groan in surprise and suddenly the waterfall above them crashed down on their heads. They parted, swimming away from it, laughing hysterically. She splashed some water at him and he playfully splashed her back. And then he caught her in his arms again, swimming towards the edge of the pond. 

He picked her up with one arm under her knees and the other behind her back and carried her up the rocky steps to the cave. She watched him with anticipation, nuzzling into the rippling muscles of his neck and shoulders. Her excitement was growing with every step, she didn't really want him to put her down. She felt at peace and whole in his arms. Unafraid of what the next day would bring. Whatever happened, they'd have today to remember. 

He laid her down gently on the pile of blankets on the ground. She bit her bottom lip as she saw the way his pants clung to his body. He lit the fire in the middle of the room and then stripped off his pants and threw them aside. She barely had time to admire the way the light flickered across his features, because he was on top of her again in an instant. Touching, tasting, teasing. 

"Anakin!" she moaned as he moved between her thighs. She trembled in excitement as his face disappeared between her legs. His hair fell wet on her legs but left her burning. She grabbed at it as he probed inside with his tongue. She squirmed as shockwaves rocked her body. One hand fell to grab a fistful of the blankets. Her other moved to her hard nipples, fingering them as if in time to his licks. "Auugh!" she cried, shaking. She arched her back off the floor, curling her toes. It felt so good, she never wanted it to end. 

She'd fantasized about the feeling countless times, but she'd never been close to the real thing. Her awkward inexperienced fingers were nothing to his tongue and hunger. She felt herself get wet, and worried she'd done something wrong. But he looked up at her and licked his lips. She tried not to look nervous. But she wanted to please him too. He felt her need in the force and he crawled up next to her and laid down, so she could take her turn. 

She didn't move as deliberately as him, her touches and kisses were sporadic as she'd repeatedly get distracted by the next thing she wanted to experience. But he groaned and then breathed her name, so she must have been doing something right. She ran her fingers down his chest, feeling every groove between his muscles. The rough and yet endlessly fascinating skin and shape. She climbed over his legs, running her hands up his thighs and then finally reaching for him. She brushed it softly at first, a little unsure of herself. But then he grabbed her hand pushing her harder into it, he moved it for her, stroking it in and out and then he let go, expecting her to continue. 

She looked up at his face but he'd tipped his head back and closed his eyes. So she went about stroking it like he'd showed her. He groaned again, licking his lips. And she boldly put it in her mouth. He twitched in surprised as she sucked and licked, it was his turn to squirm in pleasure. She felt his hand on her montrals, pushing her in and out faster. Her fingers spread across his abdomen as she sped up obediently. She loved the way he felt both physically and in the force. His heat and intensity only increased her own need and excitement. 

She let go and before she could think, he rolled her so he was on top again and she spread her legs. He moved into her, slowly at first, surprisingly gentle for the amount of heat and hunger that sat between them. He must have felt her nervousness because he looked her in the eyes, brushing his fingers along her cheek and her lips. 

"Do you trust me?" he breathed huskily. Staring deep into her soul.

She met his stare. "Yes."

"It's going to hurt a little, but I promise you'll be okay," he said.

"I know," she whispered and kissed him on the lips. He smiled sexily, and then he pushed in.

He was right, it did hurt, but not as much as she'd expected. Just like he'd promised, he was gentle. 

"You okay?" he asked, kissing her softly.

"Yes." She blinked up at him. She ran her hands up his arms, digging in a little as he went deeper. It didn't hurt now, it just felt good. It felt almost like their force bond but made physical. Part of her wanted to stay connected to him like this forever. She ran her fingers down his sides as he moved in and out. It was a strange sensation at first but felt better as it went along. It felt like he was filling a hole in her soul she didn't know was there. 

He dropped to his elbows, licking her skin as he thrust faster. She moaned over and over again, pulling him close, pressing herself against him. Their skin was slick and warm, she felt the fuzzy haze of ecstasy and she never wanted it to end. He grunted a few times, and she'd curl her fingers through his hair. He'd shift occasionally, changing the tempo and the pattern. And then she felt herself fill with warmth, and she relaxed backwards onto the floor, dizzy and happy as the room spun around her. He pulled out and then released himself. 

He collapsed to her right side and rolled onto his back. He was silent for a long while, she thought he'd fallen asleep. But then she felt his flesh hand move along the top of her thigh and she brought her right hand down to rub her thumb across it. The touch was light and gentle but still left a trail of electricity everywhere it moved. 

"Anakin?" she whispered.

"Hmm?" he murmured in response. She wasn't sure what she wanted to say. Was thank you appropriate, or that was good, really good? Maybe it was better not to say anything until they had clearer heads. But she felt a need to speak even though intuitively she knew better. Would telling him how she felt about him ruin the moment? She watched the light play across the ceiling for a few minutes as she tried to figure out how to say what she wanted to. She loved his presence, she loved the way he felt up against her. The way all of it had felt. It was everything she'd hoped for and more. 

He turned to look at her when she didn't speak. She felt herself blush and she tried to focus on the ceiling, but she still rubbed her hand over his. He kissed her cheek. "Don't ever regret it," he said as if taking the words out of her mouth. "I certainly won't."

She let out the breath, letting herself relax. And then she scooted closer. He threw the blanket over them both and folded her into his arms. She smiled to herself. Even though she knew they couldn't have a real relationship, she'd savor every second they did have.

 

\---

 

Anakin woke up several hours later feeling rested for really the first time he could remember. The fire had died down and Ahsoka was lying on her stomach with her back to him. He felt a pang of guilt. He'd wanted it, it was true, but he knew he shouldn't have done it. She'd wanted it just as badly, but that didn't change the fact that he was married. 

He was away from Padmé too much, and yet... he felt different with Ahsoka. Not to excuse what he'd just done, there was something there that he didn't have with Padmé. Perhaps an intimacy; a comfortableness with each other? They could feel each other and know each other's needs and wants. He felt a possessiveness with Padmé that was stemmed from how lucky he knew he was to have her. And it wasn't that he didn't feel lucky with Ahsoka, he did, especially that she'd trusted him enough to let him be her first. Perhaps maybe it was a doubt that created that need to hold her close. One that screamed at him if he let go she'd never come back to him. Ahsoka would though, he knew that without question. She fought so hard and pushed herself so hard to stay by his side. Sometimes with Padmé it felt as though she could take it or leave it. And he was determined not to give her reason to leave it. So, what did he do? He’d slept with his padawan. 

He watched Ahsoka breathe for a few minutes. The memory of her skin against his made the heat rise again. He'd told her he wouldn't regret it and to his surprise, he didn't. Even if it did complicate things for him. But he owed her the truth. Especially if she had ideas that what had happened between them would be a common occurrence. But as he stared at her back, he found himself just wanting to touch her again. Not sexually, necessarily. He just loved the way she felt in his arms. 

He traced his mechanical fingers lightly down her spine, wishing he could feel with them. She moaned just softly as he reached her butt. He leaned forward and brushed his lips against her shoulder, kissing little patterns across her skin. She shifted as though to present a bigger canvas for him to draw on. He smiled to himself. He rubbed his cheek along her back lekku, it was surprisingly soft and smooth, like polished bone, but just a little fuzzy like the outside of a jogun fruit. And just as vividly striped.

He rolled over and stood up, pulling on his pants. He headed out of the cave and down the steps, sitting near the bottom and leaning against the rock wall. Why did his heart have to pull him in so many different directions? Why couldn’t he just keep everything he wanted? He glanced to the side when she sat down next to him. She’d put on her tunic dress, but nothing else. “Are you okay?” she asked.

He swallowed and looked away, trying to hold the emotions that were threatening to consume him at bay. “Not really,” he breathed and watched her drop her hands in her lap and stare at them. She probably thought she’d done something wrong and that wasn’t true at all. It was him that was wrong, everything about him was wrong. He didn’t know how to tell her that. His mouth worked a few times, but no sound came out and he sighed.

“I know about Padmé,” she said and he stared at her his mouth agape. She knew? “I also know that we can’t be anything… but I wanted it with you and I won’t regret it.” She stood up and he watched her head back into the cave.

She had solved his problem; what to do about them. Conventionally, she knew they couldn’t be anything at all. He also didn’t have to tell her about his wife. Somehow though, it made it that much worse. He glanced back up at the cave and swallowed hard. True to form, Ahsoka was giving him a way out, another option. As long as he’d known her, she would throw herself into harm’s way to protect him, no matter what the cost, and at the same time, she’d offer him different solutions to problems he’d get stuck on. She was telling him that he didn’t have to choose her, but suddenly, that’s exactly what he wanted to do.

He stood up. He felt better about everything when she was around, he even slept better. She filled a gaping wound in his soul, no others had come close to. She understood him better than anyone, she heard everything he was terrified to say aloud. This whole situation had started because he was overprotective of her, but the irony was, she made him feel safe. Whenever she was standing by his side, whenever they were fighting tooth and nail to survive, he knew they would as long as they stuck together. He’d never felt that with Obi wan, well, maybe he had at first. Once knighted though, he’d wanted to go his own way. He’d wanted to stand solo and prove that he could handle anything life threw him. And then Ahsoka had come along and before he knew it, he’d choose her every mission he could. He depended on her to be there. She fought like him, she cared like him and it hadn’t been long before he’d completely forgotten how badly he’d wanted to be alone. He’d choose her over being alone any and every day. They fit together in a way he’d never imagined was possible.

He and Padmé had a kind of silent understanding, that they’d never try to know each other. Not really anyways. He used to think she knew more about him than anyone, but he was wrong. They had physical chemistry but were never on the same page about life. He chose her only because she was who he’d fantasized about for years. And maybe he hadn’t ever thought through the implications of swearing themselves to each other for life. He’d certainly never considered he could be wrong about who he’d want by his side when it came down to it.

He raced up the steps. “Ahsoka.” He pulled her into his arms before she’d done more than turn around. She tensed in surprise, but then relaxed into his embrace. He dropped to his knees, leaning against her stomach and she sat a hand on his head. “I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I don’t know who I am. The only thing I’m sure of right now is you,” he cried into her dress, feeling like an idiot, but he couldn’t stop himself. The tears flooded his face as he sobbed.

She slid down so she was kneeling in front of him, cupping his face in her hands. She kissed him gently on the cheek and rested her forehead against his. He held her by the arms, afraid to let her go. “It’s okay,” she breathed confidently. “We’ll figure it out together.”

He choked a little as he was hit with another sob. “I can’t do this anymore. The Jedi tell me I can’t love, I can’t be attached, but I’m living a lie. I _am_ attached. I _am_ in love. It gets in the way, it distracts me from doing what I have to, but I can’t stop caring.”

“Then don’t,” she said simply and he glanced up at her face. “The way you feel, _how_ you feel… it makes you who you are. It’s what is so special about you. If being the Chosen One meant you were supposed to deny that, the force would have chosen innumerable other Jedi to be the _one_ , but it didn’t. It chose you, because of who you already were.” She ran her hand down the side of his face and looked at him so lovingly he thought he’d melt right there. “But you can care too much and still do your duty. You taught me how.”

“I’m terrified of losing people…”

“I know,” she smiled reassuringly at him. “But if you make decisions out of fear, they’re usually wrong. Sometimes you just have to have faith that it will all work out. The force provides everything we need, but if we try to control it, it can’t do what it’s meant to.”

“When did you get to be so wise?” He brushed her lips with his own and she parted for him.

“I learned from the best.” She kissed him harder, pushing herself into him.

“You’re right, I am the best.” He grabbed her, and they tumbled to the side off their knees laughing. She came up on top, sitting astride his stomach, their hands locked together in front of them.

“I was talking about Obi wan,” she teased, a glimmer of mischief raced through her eyes and he smiled.

“Oh yeah?” He jerked her forward, so she fell onto his chest and he kissed deep into her neck. She moaned, and he rolled her so he was on top again. He laid his ear over her heart and listened to it beat, relaxing into the comfort of her presence. She had her arms wrapped around his shoulders. “Ahsoka?”

“Hmm?” she murmured.

“Would you stand by me, forever? Would you be mine, always?” He swallowed hard. Was he proposing to her? It was wrong, but it felt so right. He held his breath.

“I belong to no one, but myself,” she said and his heart started racing nervously. “But you are part of me, so in that way, I belong to you too.” He lifted his chin to look up at her face. In the soft light of the morning, she looked ethereal, as though she weren’t even real. Had he not been laying on her, he might think she’d just vanish in front of his eyes. “I told you the first day we met, you’re stuck with me, Skyguy.”

“I’m scared of the future,” he whispered.

“Then focus only on right now.”

“We’ll get in trouble…”

“When has that ever stopped us before?” she smirked. She was right. She was his partner in crime. He needed to make a holocall. But now he just wanted to lay here with her and not move. In fact, he almost didn’t even want to go back to the war, or the temple or the Republic. He just wanted to take her hand and go chasing sunsets and adventures. “Anakin?” she said after awhile.

“Hmm?”

“Whatever happens from here on out…” she trailed off and he looked up to see that she’d bit her lip. “Nevermind.” She looked away. He propped himself up onto his elbows, scooted further up and stared at her so she couldn’t avoid his eyes.

“What?”

“I didn’t mean to come between you and Padmé. I never imagined we could be anything more than friends, even that was forbidden. I don’t know what the future holds, and I don’t know what it will be like…” she started nervously. “But when you’re here with me, when we’re together… everything just feels right. Like the stars aligned or something. That’s probably not the way it feels for you, since you had other people that you loved before me…” He put his finger on her lips, so she stopped rambling and her eyes widened.

“I did love others before I met you. I thought I had life figured out and then you came along and turned it upside down. As I watched you grow, my feelings for you changed. And I kept telling myself no. I kept denying my feelings. I kept shoving them deep down inside, so no one would ever know. I loved someone else. I couldn’t love you too. But I was wrong. The more I tried not to love you, the more I did. The more I pushed you away, the more I wanted you there. And then when you vanished for days, I went out of my mind. I thought I lost you, I thought I failed you, I thought… I’d never feel whole again. And that was when I realized that what I thought I wanted wasn’t what I needed and that maybe, maybe I was wrong about everything. I love Padmé, but she doesn’t complete me the way that you do. She doesn’t understand me like you, and frankly, we’re not really on the same page about anything at all. I thought I wanted to spend my entire life with her, but even if that was allowed… I’m not sure we would have been happy. Not really, anyways. And maybe if you hadn’t of come along… I never would have realized that. So as crazy as it sounds, it might have saved all of us that I fell in love with you.” He caressed her face. “So that stars aligning thing? I feel that way with you. I never did before.”

“I feel sorry for Padmé then…”

“Don’t,” he whispered. “Honestly, I think she’ll be better off.”


End file.
